"When God is the Supreme hunger of our hearts, he will be supreme in everything."
I really struggle to live out Philippians 3:8 in my daily life - "I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ." The reality in my life is that I have suffered the loss of few things, I have a great husband, marriage and children. I am incredible blessed. I struggle in the daily mundane of suffering loss of - finances to help another or time to invest in a child. I struggle with selfishness and my hunger for God wains back and forth. I grabbed John Piper's book as I deeply want to improve my prayer and fasting life so that I hunger and thirst for the living water that only Jesus can provide - nothing else should sustain me. There are changes coming in our family, I don't know what they are, but I can feel the Lord's presence, prodding me to be prepared and ready for what will come.
In March I set a timer on my phone for 10:30 am - my kids know this as our prayer time. I admin there are days when I am in the middle of life and don't want to stop and pray. My children convict me as they run to my phone and yell "prayer time." God is so good to be present in my weakness. I pray my children remember their mother, not as perfect, but as a woman who was determined and devoted to acquiring, dare I say demanding, a hunger for God.
When I moved to Texas in 2003 - I left behind everything for an unknown land. It was the first time I truly responded to God in abandonment. I had deep faith that this is what my new husband and I were called to and nothing would stop us. I cried a lot that first few weeks - I remember getting into our new, sight unseen, apartment with ants and mildew and deeply desired to turn the UHaul around and drive home. I hate(d) change - I always have. I dreaded change in my youth, staying up at night, making myself sick - I lived in fear of change and I had just changed my life in the most stressful ways. I moved to a new state, had a new job, and a new husband and I was deeply homesick. I was so homesick I lost 10 pounds and never felt hungry because of my grief. I remember back to those early days, some 10 years earlier and I long to be that homesick for God. Piper writes that,
"The birthplace of Christian fasting is homesickness for God.... The greatest adversary of love to God is not his enemies but his gifts. And the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth. For when these replace an appetite for God himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable." (pgs 13, 14)
I want to hunger for God like I hungered for home and familiarity in those early days of marriage. I long to be so consumed with hungering for God that my appetite for food diminishes and my thoughts are consumed with the Lord.I look at my life and see idols - money, time, selfishness, fear, etc. I long to rid my heart of idolatry - the simple pleasures of earth that rob me of a life hungering for God.
Lord, I pray I will learn to go without so that You will fill me with what I truly need. May I hunger and thirst for righteousness - no matter the earthly cost. May I not be a lukewarm believer, but a woman of passion and devotion who is a world changer not only in her little home but in the big evil world out there. Lord, change my hearts desires, create in me a hunger to know you more intimately and reveal to me the idols that have crept into my heart and home so I may obey and break down the walls that lead to knowing more of Your heart.