Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Regret

If your a blog reader who reads about the lives of moms who share all the wonderful successes of life and leave their blog with regret that you aren't "quite so fun" or "yell a little too much," then this blog post might be for you. See this blog post in one where I spill my heart of regret for the year 2012 and sadly reflect back in the hope that I'll learn lessons and see mistakes not to be repeated again.

I won't lie, this year was the roughest of my life.  I went into 2012 oblivious to the storm that was coming. In March of 2012 my company of 14 years was awarded a large contract and grew - 150% in 9 months. My quiet, predictable job that I'd mastered years earlier,  slowly demanded more and more time.  I kept telling myself it would get better, it had to eventually right? My "mommy" life of play dates and park trips became non existent.

Last night I sat on the couch after 14 hours of unpredictable work - I  can't sleep, my heart is racing, I'm  totally stressed and my mind wouldn't shut off. I wasn't looking forward to the future and was so wrapped up in work that I couldn't see above the fog. I felt dead inside.

I'm a Christian, how can I feel this way?

Could it be workalolism?
Not tending to my spiritual health?
Perfectionism?
Family guilt?

The list goes on an on.

But instead of being defeated, I must get back up and go back to my first love - love of God, love of family ideals, family dinners, park trips and smiles and giggles and hugs and kisses and date nights. My job can no control my emotions or have a hold over me any more. That place is reserved for God. I go back to the words of my favorite song - a Prayer for My Home - that brings me back to all I find dear and treasured.


Prayer For Home
 Grant them peace, most precious gift of all
Keep the worried world far away and small
When they return, may quiet fill their souls,
Dearest Lord, keep them safe within it's walls.

May the stone be cool beneath their feet.
The canyon breezes circle soft and sweet
When darkness falls, the stars and opal moon
Find them wrapped in each other, ever warm.

Chorus:
May it be a refuge for their love,
A harbor for their deepest prayer.
May they come to flourish in the grove,
Grow ever nearer to You there.

Many a burdened friend in their company rises,
A heavy heart is soon released to fly.
May their table be blessed with laughter and with grace
And by the comfort of kinship be surprised.

Chorus

May the cold wind blow far from their front door
May the winter rains never bring them harm
May their hearthfires burn throughout the night
Grant them peace until morning's perfect light.
 

~ Fernando Ortega ~ 











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