Sunday, September 11, 2011
10 Years Ago
I was struggling with grown up things like:
Growing up is hard.
Emotions are hard.
Deciding what to do with my life was hard.
Dealing with the question - "Why do bad things happen to innocent people" was a hard question I didn't know the answer to.
What is my purpose here?
Does God really hear me when I pray?
Does God love me less when I'm not perfect?
Why does God seem so distant?
Is God real?
But - Life went on and slowly over the last decade God has dealt with all those questions and doubts through the pages of life. I dove into getting to know the Lord - not who I believed Him to be, but what the Bible said He was. I searched and prayed and studied and waited. Over the last decade life matured me and my relationship with God matured too. I married sweet John, moved 1500 miles away to another country called Texas, birthed 3 children, and somehow grew up. The questions and fog from decade past shaped who I am today. The very fact that I asked those questions, delt with sin and pain and trials and questioning was not intimidating to God - it was a blessing He allowed into my life. I believe every person in this world struggled with growing up - I just didn't know that because no one told me!
I would not be the woman I am today without the last decade of hardships. That Tuesday morning of September 11th will always stand out in my mind. That day represents the pain and depression I was walking around with, trying to deal with the big questions of life. When I saw our country unite, it gave me hope to keep pressing on. God used the experience of 9/11 to push me forward and helped me to not get discouraged. One year later I was engaged and 18 months later I was married and on my way to Texas - that lonely and painful chapter of my life was about to give birth to different challenges and trials.
I am so blessed that God is Sovereign - He knows everything I need to make me into the woman I want to become.