Friday, January 14, 2011

Inscriptions For Abby

My sweet little girl, you are 1 today. It is a Friday and we spent the day at  home together with your crazy, energetic and very active brothers. Its been below 35 degrees for a week now and we all have a lot of pent up energy. I baked you Cinnamon rolls for breakfast and  you quickly stuffed the entire thing in your mouth. Your brothers helped you polish off the whole lot of them! The boys and I have  been singing you "Happy Birthday" all day today and you just smile and laugh at us. You raise your hands and throw them up and down, then throw your head backwards and smiles the  biggest smiles. So special! Mrs. Kelly and the boys decorated the number 1 with your hand prints - they are on the fridge and all day Gabe runs over to them and says "Abby is 1 today!" Drew asked if you got to skip out on all your chores and have the special plate since its your Birthday. I told him "Of Course!"

You  are crawling and pulling yourself up on everything. It is time to move you to a big girl car seat, put away the bottles and get out the 12-18 month clothes. What a delight you are. You just love smiling - your whole body gets in on the action. You love to play and interact with everyone, you hate being left out. Your favorite word is "Ma" and you yell it so loud until I answer. You love to wave at people and just a few  days ago you started to shake your head "no." You love cheerio's and bread and yogurt. You aren't a fan of meat yet. Today I caught the  dog swiping your food off the Bumbo tray. We had to start setting the Bumbo on the floor because you started to scootch your way across the table a few weeks ago. I am now paranoid that you will fall out or over in that thing so your banished to the floor giving the dog great access to all your food!

Your growing up and I'm not sure I'm ready - maybe that is where the phrase " ready or not"  came from. I'm not ready for you to be 1. Tonight you were a little cold and woke up at 9, I rocked and sang you Happy Birthday,  I offered one last time for you to nurse, but you just turned  your head the other way and pushed your hand out saying "Nope." You are blissfully unaware that I am so missing you tonight - the threads have been broken and you don't need me quite as much as you did last week. Tonight, you gave me the sweetest smiles, then cuddled in on my chest and fell fast asleep. I cherish these few moments together in the silence - just mommy and daughter. I remember this same evening 1 year ago. I couldn't cuddle or kiss your face. You were in the NICU and I had to wait until the next day to see you. Then cuddling wasn't as fun because there were beeps and people and hushed voices everywhere. I'm so glad you are thriving and growing up. I am a blessed momma to have a healthy little girl to dress in pink and put cute flowers and bows and hats on your head.

I want you to know I'm not the mom who started to plan your 1st party at 6 months, I've been dreading your first birthday since the moment you were born. There is just something final about all your lasts and I'm grieving them tonight. I love being a mommy, I love being the keeper of the milk and cheerios, I love being the one you raise your arms for and crawl after - screaming "Ma" incessantly.  I am blessed beyond measure to have been given such a gift to raise and shepherd. God has great plans for you my little Abby. You are a determined little girl, I know God will use that determination for greatness. Your character is being written as I carefully tend to your needs. I promise to try and write lovely and beautiful things. I want you to grow and become everything God has ordained. There is so much to teach you and so many lessons that you need to learn. Step wisely, walk in prayer and keep your heart humble. The Lord is so near, cling to Him, invest all into  your relationship with you Papa  - He will never disappoint and always meet you right where you are.  He will deliver you, find that right mate for you, disciple you into a beautiful woman inside and out. He is the Keeper of all Good things. This moment you believe I am the keeper of those good things, but my job is to point you towards Him  - what a humble job  that I am so ill equipped for. Lord, give me wisdom and patience to point this child in the right direction, it is such a hard task some days. May her blue eyes look directly past mine and straight into your Papa's eyes.

I am a blessed mama to have you as my daughter Abby!

Lord help me to teach and train this little one to love and serve You with her whole heart. mind and soul. A large task for such a weak momma, give me wisdom and endurance to finish this race well. Amen.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

~ Psalm 139: 16 (MSG)

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