A Hunger For God

"When God is the Supreme hunger of our hearts, he will be supreme in everything."

I really struggle to live out Philippians 3:8 in my daily life - "I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ." The reality in my life is that I have suffered the loss of few things, I have a great husband, marriage and children. I am incredible blessed. I struggle in the daily mundane of suffering loss of - finances to help another or time to invest in a child. I struggle with selfishness and my hunger for God wains back and forth. I grabbed  John Piper's book as I deeply want to improve my prayer and fasting life so that I hunger and thirst for the living water that only Jesus can provide - nothing else should sustain me. There are changes coming in our family,  I don't know what they are, but I can feel the Lord's presence, prodding me to be prepared and ready for what will come. 

In March  I set a timer on my phone for 10:30 am - my kids know this as our prayer time. I admin there are days when I am in the middle of life and don't want to stop and pray. My children convict me as they run to my phone and yell "prayer time." God is so good to be present in my weakness. I pray my children remember their mother, not as perfect, but as a woman who was determined and devoted to acquiring, dare I say demanding, a hunger for God. 

When I moved to Texas in 2003 - I left behind everything for an unknown land. It was the first time I truly responded to God in abandonment. I had deep faith that this is what my new husband and I were called to and nothing would stop us. I cried a lot that first few weeks - I remember getting into our new, sight unseen, apartment with ants and mildew and deeply desired to turn the UHaul around and drive home. I hate(d) change - I always have. I dreaded change in my youth, staying up at night, making myself sick - I lived in fear of change and I had just changed my life in the most stressful ways. I moved to a new state, had a new job, and a new husband and I was deeply homesick. I was so homesick I lost 10 pounds and never felt hungry because of my grief. I remember back to those early days, some 10 years earlier and I long to be that homesick for God. Piper writes that,

 "The birthplace of Christian fasting is homesickness for God.... The greatest adversary of love to God is not his enemies but his gifts. And the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth. For when these replace an appetite for God himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable." (pgs 13, 14) 

 I want to hunger for God like I hungered for home and familiarity in those early days of marriage.  I long to be so consumed with hungering for God that my appetite for food diminishes and my thoughts are consumed with the Lord.I look at my life and see idols - money, time, selfishness, fear, etc. I long to rid my heart of idolatry - the simple pleasures of earth that rob me of a life hungering for God.

Lord, I pray I will learn to go without so that You will fill me with what I truly need. May I hunger and thirst for righteousness - no matter the earthly cost. May I not be a lukewarm believer, but a woman of passion and devotion who is a world changer not only in her little home but in the big evil world out there. Lord, change my hearts desires, create in me a hunger to know you more intimately and reveal to me the idols that have crept into my heart and home so I may obey and break down the walls that lead to knowing more of Your heart.

Amen

End of the School Year....

Wow the end of the school year has come, I can't believe I have a second grader and a Kindergartener! The last month was super busy with trips and end of the school craziness.

Drew had an amazing year. I can't believe all that he learned and squeezed into his brain. I remember looking at the sentence diagramming and multiplication sheets in his curriculum at thought there was no way - but after a lot of prayer and a few tears, he earned a nice break! I am so proud of Drew, the goal the last month was to "finish well" and he did. His last few grammar, history and math tests were all excellent. He even ended the year with all A's and an 87 in Language Arts which is his hardest subject.Drew is excited to spend the month of May digging for bugs, swimming, building with Lego's and circuits.

Gabe finished his first semester of Kindergarten, we started early since he was very ready. Gabe finshed all of book 1 in Explode the Code, Math U See Primer (to lessons 25/30) and all the Bob Books from collection 1-2 and the Sight Word collection. We just have a few more lessons in Math, Bob set 3, Explode the Code book 2 (9 more lessons), 5 more spelling sets and 50 more lessons in TYCTR and he will have finished up his Kinder curriculum. Gabe loves learning and play on Reading Eggs. He is looking forward to playing with his brother and sister and going to VBS.

Abby is finishing up her last two classes of speech and is non stop action. That girl can climb, run and beat her brothers. She is ferocious and has no fear. She loves to color and try writing her name. She can count to 15 and has finally mastered all her colors - man those took a long time! She can dress herself - albeit in weird combinations, and her favorite color is pink. She loves to tell strangers about her "new" bed from January and about how she loves books and naps. Abby has never met a stranger and between my three chatty, know it all kids, I don't get in much teaching time.

The kids and I are going through the book of Luke this school year, now that Drew is home each morning we have started The Big Dig bible study each morning. It is a great study that helps me teach the Word of God to my kids in a fun and Expository way.

 I just returned from visiting my new niece in Oregon - Kara is adorable! Then I headed to Las Vegas for a little trip away with my  sweet friend from 4th grade - Bethany. It was wonderful, yet bitter sweet because my grandfather unexpectedly passed away and I was unable to make the funeral.

John stayed home with the kids and had a "mid live crisis." His table saw of 8 years broke and he "had" to spend an insane amount of money to buy his dream saw. On the plus side, my bed was ready when I returned and its super cool! I can't believe John made our bed, it looks amazing!

Forget Me Not Moments

Today, I had many "forget me not moments" as I'm deeming them on my blog.

I loved walking into Abby's room tonight with her cup of water and hearing her brother  Gabe praying over her - that was precious!

I loved rocking Abby back and forth singing her "Holy, Holy. Holy" but tonight she put her hand over my mouth and exclaimed " I do it!" She sang "Holy Holy Holy over and over again - I guess they are the only words she knows - I love it!

Drew told me I was the best mother in the whole world because I bought him a Da Vinci flying replica for him to create with.

Gabe called his Daddy and jumped up and down on the phone - so proud that he finished the first Explode the Code book! He is so proud of himself for accomplishing this goal.

The Big Dig started today - I finally found a Bible devotional book that I love! We have finished the ABC Bible verses (though Abby will still get a turn now just the  two of us!) and the Big Truths for Little Kids we've done for a year so its getting a little old. While I was reading in Luke 1 tonight, Drew invariably asked what a Virgin was - since she was the  virgin Mary! We studied the book of John two years ago, so I'm excited to spend this year in Luke! 

We had a great day - I had hoped to make it to the park, but instead we stayed home and built the circuit rover, then proceeded to drive it all over the back yard. It really was a glorious day that ended with a trip around the block so the kids could run off some energy.

Blessings!

Happenings....

Life is a conundrum of ups and downs, the last few years have had many. Its interesting to sit and blog about our life, I want my kids to remember the fun, exciting and routines of our daily life, but there is also the reality that we struggle, others struggle in this life. There is a lot of suffering in our world today and its hard for me to dream of raising my children and preparing them for such a world. I was telling John that it makes me want to "run for shelter in the mountains" like the remnant will do in the Great Tribulation. I've spent the last 18 months studying the book of Revelation Precept by Precept and I tell you what - "it aint pretty!"  What do I do with that as a mother, prepare, hide, protect, shelter, cry? There are things going on in the darkness that  I couldn't even blog about or talk to my husband about. Just yesterday a friend posted a vimeo video on the man now on trial for literally delivering live babies and then killing them prior to them taking their first breath. I'm still in tears and only made it 8 minutes into the film. I want to be educated but this world is so dark that even the things previously done in the darkness are coming acceptable. I am so glad this place is not my home, but raising counter cultural kids who are prepared for such an oppressive and evil society is a hard thing for me to wrap my brain around.

Some friends and I are reading the book Desperate by Sara Mae and Sally Clarkson - we went and watched their interview in Euless last month and had our picture taken with Sara. She is so sweet! I really appreciated the chapter on depression and the very real problem that effects most people in seasons of life. I struggle with it every January - I have since puberty hit around 16. I appreciate their honesty and their suggestions on lighting a candle, reading a book, talking with a friend, etc. I can't say it wasn't something I didn't know, but the encouragement from mom's ahead of me that this is normal for a season - normally when life is busy and hectic and your sleep deprived!

 I've become more of a reader in the last few months, trying to avoid facebook and spend more time seeking the encouragement and support of other mom's who have gone before me. A lot of the books are on finding joy and the rest are on homeschooling. I am excited to have the boys home next year and follow the schedule I prepared, I love homeschooling them (Abby too though she is just into books and sensory bins - nothing formal). The time I spend each day with the kids teaching is the highlight of my day - God has been so gracious to give me a passion for educating them.  I never dreamed I would love it this much.

At dinner each night we share some of our highs and low's from the day, so I thought I'd list some of my high's and low's from these past few months.

Low's

• Not sleeping great these days, always tired but can't sleep, or sleep too much at the wrong times
• High's/Lowe's of depression season were not as easily handled with natural methods this year.
• work stresses that make me want to give up or quit
• Drew is struggling with reading, even with the extra year, the pediatric ophthalmologist specialist says it directly relates to his vision problems that are not correctable - but he will adapt and come up with his own methods as he gets older.
• John's back and hand pain are getting worse, he is tired a lot and not quite himself
• Sickness has been rampant in our house since December - tired and weary
• house selling debacle cost us some money to get worked out- still in our house and working on being content until God lands the right country house in our lap.
• Our family dog is old and having kidney issues, I know she won't be with us for much longer.
• high school friend is dying from cancer and leaving behind a wonderful husband and 5 kids, how I weep for their family.

Drew's Sunflower Impression

High's

Starry Night - by Drew

• Kids are loving art class and drawing and creating the most amazing pictures and objects, I love watching them use their imaginations.
• refinance finally went through!
• We are playing more games and spending more quality time cuddling on the couch reading books.
• I finally have gotten into using my Library card - lost of great books ordered and ready when I get to the library! I just ordered The Well Trained Mind - I didn't realize how big of a book it was, it might take me longer than 3 weeks!
• ACA is almost over and we can take a much needed break!!!! Drew did a great job and we had such a great experience!
• Abby potty trained and is even dry at night, she is progressing in speech and is up to age appropriate conversations. 
• Chris Tomlin's CD has been a huge source of worship and encouragement these past few weeks!
• Spring is here and we're outside a lot more!
• We're on track to have Gabe's 1st half of Kinder completed by May (he begged to start in January even though he wouldn't start kinder officially until August) and Drew will be done with 1st grade! These boys just can't help but put a smile on your face!
• Gabe loves homeschool and begs to do his work every morning, such a change from what I experienced with Drew.

Easter Pictures - Set 2

Easter 2013

What a sweet Easter we had! My mother baked us the most wonderful meal, we celebrated a Risen Lord with fellow believers at church, sang great worship songs, and then my mom planned an egg hunt for the kids. I love my family! The kids were so excited. We managed a quick trip to the park after church for a photo session - thankfully I still remembered how to use the time delay and we got a few family photos.

He gives power to the weak...

School is winding down for Drew - his curriculum is almost done and his part time school is over in just 5 weeks. I have learned some much from ACA this year, it was a lot of work but I've seen Drew grow in so many areas. He is finally writing and spelling and enjoying art without being prompted. The other morning he said he wanted to write his Grandma a thank you note - its a small thing for most, but for this momma  that was huge. He spelled everything himself in legible print with spaces - wow!

I have been so impressed with the material and information Drew has learned, this next year we will imitate much of what ACA taught us about time management and organization and curriculum.

Gabe started Kindergarten in January - at home - and is coming along! He is much more disciplined so his school work is complete in less than two hours. We are working a lot on his handwriting and reading - which is coming along so much quicker than I though. I know your not suppose to compare children  - God made them all unique and special - but I am so thankful that my second child is a more traditional learner - two outside the  box learners may have done me in! I am just amazed when Gabe reads a book, struggles with a sight word a few times and then initiates a way to remember the word - as a rule Gabe only has to see/read a word about 15 times and he has it mastered vs Drew which is around 100,  Gabe is struggling a little more in Math, which I guess shouldn't surprise me since Drew is really good in math. They are so different yet the best of friends and wonderful to work with - most days! I am blessed to have such differnt children who love the Lord and love learning.

This morning we were talking about  Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and how God revealed Himself to Abraham. Drew  wanted to know why God picked Abraham and not his father Tara. The questions these kids come up with are very high level for my brain - it must be those catechism's they memorized. That lead to a conversation about the sovereignty of God and that faith is believing that God's plan for our lives which will not produce our own benefits, but God's ultimate glory. That was a hard conversation because I had just shared with the kids about a prayer that didn't go the way we had hoped. A friend from High School has had cancer for the last year, we've been praying for her and her family, just recently they were told there was nothing more that could be done. My kids were heartbroken, I can't imagine how her own 5 children and husband can handle such news. There just are no words, yet I know that I must cling to the scriptures and the promises of God. As I shared with the kids - "God's ways are not our ways..." then we searched the scriptures for some of God's promises in scripture. I love teaching my children as I myself  question and struggle walking the path of righteousness. I am beginning to relate more with Jesus,  in the gospels, who taught and corrected and lead His own 12 disciples.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:28-29

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

and my personal favorite....

Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Romans 8:37-39
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Why We Homeschool?

I'm writing this post, off work for a whole week with nowhere to be but home with my kiddo's cleaning the house and catching up on life. It has been a rough two years of work and growth and learning to set boundaries, so my paying job doesn't consume every ounce of who I am. It was a year where my ideals were  challenged and my priorities were pushed aside. It has not been a great year, I'll be honest - but it solidified in my mind that the corporate world is not for me in this age and phase of life. My impact on the generations will not be lived out in front of a computer or in balancing balance sheets, it will be lived out in front of these 6 little eyes who watch my every move and hear my every conversation. In fact, I feel that all that hard work for my company doesn't actually produce much change or good in this culture - its a lot like the government, to much politics and bureaucracy to be effective. It makes me glad I'm a mom and that I can subdue and effect something with my life!


Why did we choose to homeschool?

• ...because I love being with my children, being with them all day means the corrections I make into their lives are more readily excepted because they have been with me all day and their hearts are receptive to my instruction. If they run off to school, they would be at school more hours than with their momma.
• ... because crazy schedules and busy days make me anxious and grouchy.
• ... because doing homework after 8 hours of school seems insane and I wonder when they get to be kids and play outside and use their imaginations?
• ... because my kids try my patience and shape and change me as a believer and that makes me a better mother. Not more "me" time or break time, its the pressure that refines me most days.
• ... because I want to plan what they learn and see the progress, I want to slow down and speed up based on the child's gifted'ness and struggles. No child walks or talks or crawls on cue to a schedule, nor does a child learn to read, write or memorize.
• ... because I care more about my children's character than their intelligence  and character is forged at home with a loving parent who instructs and guides and prays for wisdom.
• ... because my Faith in Jesus is a significant part of my life and I want my kids to see that lived out - the great and the ugly. I want them to hear me ask for forgiveness and hear me pray for more patience. I also want to start the morning in prayer and bible and not rush off to an institution that doesn't enforce my core beliefs.
• ... because I'm not a morning person and the idea of waking my kids up at 6:00 am just sounds like torture! Call me selfish or lazy -  I don't mind, I love my sleep and I'm a better mother because of it!
• ... because my children are uniquely designed and therefore need unique learning opportunities.
• ... because life is short and I only get to be a mom for a few decades, I don't want to miss a thing!
• ... because I hate making lunches and school food is full of crap, harmful additives that I don't want my children to consume. 
• ... because I think that heading to the Zoo is just as valuable, if not more so, than sitting at a desk.
• ... because children learn by moving and wiggling and asking a bazillion questions - something an institution isn't capable of managing with 20-30 kids per class and is often annoyed at.
• ... because testing produces anxiety and is a horrible way of evaluating the intelligence of children - especially in the younger grades.
• ... because schools are all geared towards instructing girls and do not recognize that boys and girls are not created the same and do not learn the same ways (Read: Why Gender Matters). Since I have two boys - it didn't seem very logical to me to send them off to receive a feminized education.
• ... because no teacher is committed to the success of my children, more than I am!
• ... because I am made of flesh and I am very selfish when left to my own devices, I know if my kids were off at school all day I would waste my hours away and loose focus on the ideals God has set in my heart for our family.
• ... because God has called me to homeschool since Drew was just a tiny little baby - somethint that wasn't very popular. God always directs me to His perfect plan and I learned a long time ago that obedience produces great faith and blessing.
• ... because it never felt natural to me to send them to a bus stop or drop them off at school  5 days a week.
• ... because family is important and I want my children to love one another - to be united and a team - homeschooling naturally produces this environment.
• ... because  I am blessed with a husband and a job that also support this lifestyle. I also live in a great state that has a lot of like minded homeschooling moms.

 So, on the next homeschool day that brings me to the brink -- I will read my words - written while fully awake (12am to be exact) and having been well fed - an encouragement to my weary body to never give up, to not grow weary of doing good, and that refinement and perseverance produce their desired results. Also - remember to smile Melissa  - its contagious!
 

Abby and Speech Lessons

Abby has been in speech class for almost 3 months - I think we've learned more about how to correct her than her teachers have taught, she is now talking non stop. There are many days when I wonder why we wanted her to talk - now I have three talkers and Abby is the most demanding. Then I remember the days of 8+ temper tantrums and thank the Lord she can now communicate - all those thoughts just needed to come out. As you can tell from the video, she loves to be bossy and talk our ears off! I love this girl of mine! Her personality is exploding and she is already getting into "school" things like her brothers. Finally a kid who begs me to teacher her by sitting and touching and playing at the table. She will have a grand time this coming Fall when she finally gets her turn to start Preschool.

Such Blessings

I just love my kids, they are so funny and sweet and just a delight to be around.

Tonight the boys and I had cuddle time after Abby went to bed, we watched our favorite show when Daddy works late - Dr. Pol on Animal Planet. I love the show because I get to see what my life would have been like if I had become a vet. The kids love it because ... well, they just love anything animal. So we were watching a mother pig give birth and Gabe looked at me as if he remembered some deep question he had mulling around in his brain, he said, "Mommy, you know when you looked over all those kids in the whole world and picked me, Drew and Abby to be your children? Did God then put us in your tummy? How did we get in there, that is a small tummy?" Oh bless  you dear boy, you have my heart!

 Other fun questions asked during Dr. Pol - "Mom, what is a slaughter house?"

 Abby is into dress up, she loves to be a princess or ferry!

Are Children a Burden or Blessing?

My Precious Children - Drew, Gabe & Abby.

I write to you this letter to tell you that you are not a burden to me. In today's culture my heart breaks as ignorant mothers miss the blessing of their children, they nonchalantly say things like  "I couldn't stay home with my kids all day long, I need/want to work, otherwise I might go insane," or "My children are better off in school or daycare, those people are way more patient than I ..."or "I'm just not good at being a full time mom...."

Do not be deceived little children, you will grow older;  its Satan's subtle prowling within culture that spreads lies about the  insignificance of parenthood. Without intentional focus and investment into  children - they will go the way of culture and spend their life believing the same lie and investing in the instant - - instead of the eternal. They will become like many who sit in the pews of churches today - present yet powerless because of their own selfishness and sin. Many children are leaving the faith entirely - the most recent figures state 80% of kids leave the church after high school - very few ever return.Where are all those children's mothers?

I do not believe that being an invested mother automatically produces children of great faith - there is no perfect formula, but I do see within culture very few mothers who take their jobs seriously. Is it possible that much of this is related? I first encountered the epidemic of absent mothers when I moved into the workforce at age 19 - there were tons of exhausted women who spent their paychecks on nice clothes, eating out, instant gratification and a fancy home. One by one  I witnessed their divorces, their children's lives crumble and in the end many of those women now are lonely and left to wonder how life got so off track.

My children, I want you to know that I take my job as a mother very seriously, I am stitching the very fabric of who you will  become. Satan would like nothing better than for you to remain infants in power, paralyzed to the culture war and unable to grow and mature in faith.  You are not an accident, but a precious soul; created in the image of God Himself. God created you before the foundation of the world and designed me as your mother to come along side and help sculpt His masterpiece. I am a blessed mother. I do not relish the days when I will be childless, I do not look at my service to you as a burden, but as a joy. I will stand before the Lord one day and give an account for every word spoken into your life, every investment I made and every "I'm busy" I said to you. I will not give an account for whether you choose to accept the path of life - those spiritual matters rest the in the arms of the Almighty, I will not give an account for your choices, but rather for my own. There will be a day when I will be held accountable for what I poured into your souls and what I left lacking.

For you children, you are molding me into the image of Christ Himself. If I were not a mother, if you were not home with me each day, I would not be confronted with my own sin. You are a blessing to me  because you are a mirror of my own flesh, how can I tell you not to yell at your sister if  I am yelling? How can I tell you to build up your brother if I am first not building you up with my own words?  How can I pray you will have a powerful encounter with God, if I am first not coming before the Lord and spending time with God? You learn by my example - that is humbling yet inspiring. My children, you are a reflection of who I am, just as I am a reflection of Jesus Christ within me. It humbles me that when the world see's me they see Jesus, its even more humbling to thing that when Christ looks upon me, He sees Himself - perfect and in full glory.

To the parents out there that long for a day without children - please rethink those thoughts. God says our children are a blessing to us because we are suppose to be changed - dare I say inconvenienced at every turn. It is iron being sharpened by iron each and every moment. We are not to live for the days when our children are no longer here and we can do whatever satisfies our flesh. Where is that in scripture? We are doing Kingdom work and it is significant.

Do not be deceived, being a mother is exhausting and often times selfless work that produces limited immediate gratification. If the Lord were not my Advocate and Adversary I do not believe I could make it in this profession. Being a mother is the hardest job in this entire world. There are days when I want to give up, when I find myself on my knees one more time, begging for grace and wisdom. There are days and weeks where I am convinced that I am totally screwing you up! It is by God's design that mothers come to the throne of grace daily and seek what is necessary to survive that day. Over the years the surviving turns into thriving and the blessings of hard work begin to come more frequently. I delight in the sanctuary of God's word and it reminds me how God sees my children and my impact within their journey.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."  Psalms 127:3-5

" Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. Matthew 18:10

"Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. ..." Psalms 112:1-10

 I love the last passage in Psalms because much of what I do as a mother is done in the darkness - but the light is dawning! There are so many blessings that God provides as I walk this journey - like a child's smile, or a mastered bible verse, or an unprompted hug.

My prayer for you, my children is,   as you grow older and have children of your own, this job of parenting will be unwavering and steadfast - written on your hearts with love and that my grandchildren will be parented by those who cherish their souls and shepherd them into eternity. I also pray that as you grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men,  you and I will remain close in friendship and near in heart.

Love, 
Your Mother

I feel like a new woman!

I took the week off work, we're not going anywhere spectacular, just staying home being mommy without the distractions of work. It is wonderful!

My house is getting back into order - that always makes me feel better! I balanced my checkbook, paid bills, took the kids to story time, went grocery shopping, cleaned behind the fridge and oven and pulled out the kitchen table and bench. I even painted the window railing that had been covered in food and who knows what else. Abby, Gabe and I baked 3 dozen pumpkin muffins and read some great books from the library. I cried during one of the stories - I always cry when reading children's stories about the Great Depression and the penny auctions.

Tomorrow we're headed to the Zoo - poor Abby has never been to the zoo. I'm too cheap to spend the money and its pricey! Tomorrow is half price Wednesday so I'm hoping the cold will keep everyone away!

It has been so nice to just be home, relax in the evenings instead of work, take the kids places and not come back to 50 emails. I could totally get use to this!

Next Year

What an awesome year we are finishing up. This past year we sent Drew to a private Christian part time school in our area. It was a costly but priceless opportunity that I wouldn't trade. I had this idea that homeschooling was just another option like public school - you pick a route and go with it. God had some very out of the box ideas for us this year. In my mind we would enroll Drew, love it and send all our kids there. Now, that would be great if it were free, but its not. If we sent all our kids we're looking at 15K per year!  I truly expected to send the kids there this next year, but God in his wisdom reminded me that we're taking things year by year, child by child. They are all so different and the unique opportunity to be the sole person responsible for their education allows for outside the box teaching!

I learned some valuable lessons this year!

1. I wasn't a half bad teacher, Drew's reading didn't have much to do with me - not even a sweet lady with a doctorate in reading could "fix him!"
2. A weekly plan/routine is a must and Drew can do more work I thought! I just re-created the plan from Drew's current school, fit the lessons in 30 minutes on a Sunday night the whole week is planned!
3. Drew works great in the mornings, no breaks, and we're done by 11:30 - the rest of the  day is for play and exploration! Then whatever is left - mostly Math (read #4) Drew finishes at night before bed when the house is quiet and he can think. Yea - no more school all day long until I want to pull my hair out!
4. John is a great math teacher and doesn't mind managing this one subject - he gets to help out and set up what needs to be done and mommy gets a little help!
5. Drew is like the little bunny in the book "Josh and the Woo Woo" - crazy I know. My kid loves learning but has issues with too much noise. He loves working at night when the house is quiet and he can think!
6. I never had any formal training in teaching so looking at all the curriculum overwhelmed me. I'm such a perfectionist that I'd have Drew do every problem, read every page perfectly, do every activity and every project. We'd be burnt out two weeks into school. How novel - this year  I saw them pick a few projects, work through some problems but not all of them. They created manageable yet difficult lessons that pushed the kids but didn't overwhelm. Wow - what freedom! I totally should have realized this sooner.
7. I love having all my kids home, I love teaching them and being the one who knows all about there days because I was right there encountering it with them.
8. We missed Math U See! We're heading back to this Math curriculum - in fact Drew didn't have much Math this week so he has already started!

In January I began freaking out because the information meeting for the 2013-2014 school year was already set, the deposits were due on Valentines day to save Drew's spot, there was also the question of Gabe who starts kinder this next year. Oi! So John and I prayed and prayed on what we should do. I was shocked on how the Lord changed my heart, when we first started praying we both intended to send Drew back to this school, then as the week went on my heart began to change and God revealed to me how much I love our home days, how much I enjoy teaching my kids. Then he sent a director from Drew's school to observe and help adjust some of our day so we didn't struggle so much with the length of time it took. She pointed out some great ideas and methods for spelling and encouraged Drew that "his work is his worship!" I also saw how hard it is to entertain Abby and redirect her every 5 minutes!

By Valentines Day we had decided to homeschool full time once school ends in May, its not a hard and fast thing though - we love the curriculum selections at the school Drew is at now and plan to keep up in case God changes things up again! The main reason for this decision is the whole reason we began schooling at home - outside the box kids don't want to be boxed in! Now this school is awesome and they really accommodate the outside the box kids, but the hard and fast deal is that a child must read well to go into second grade. Drew has made huge strides this year - huge! I'm so proud of that boy, reading does not come easy for him yet he perseveres and tries to not let himself get down. This year was hard for him, watching kids who were reading like him at the beginning of the year take off and now read chapter books has been a hard reality. Yet, he is coming along so well. Drew is so dang smart that he truly doesn't know what its like to struggle and struggle - this is a good lesson on humility and perseverance.

John reminded me one evening that he didn't read well until he was 10-12 year old. His mother pulled him out of school and homeschooled him for two years. She took him back to phonics and he did learn to read - but it came at a price. John and his sweet mother spent a lot of time on reading  and John did learn to read, but to this day he hates reading. There was such a push for him to learn; albeit he was 11 so I'd be that mom too, yet the outcome wasn't what I want for Drew. I want him to be allowed to develop in his timing with a little push from mom, enough to get the job done but not enough to spend all  day on it. So I'm praying that between our nightly reading and the tutor he will find that reading is so much fun once the hard part of learning to read is over.

So this year we're going to step back, have a tutor come and work on reading 2x a week,  and enjoy school with some small modifications! Sweet Abby will also get her turn - finally - at preschool 2 days a week. I think she will love the independence and the boys and I will enjoy getting some work done!

So in May,  Drew's 1st grade year will come to an end and a week later we'll grab our books and head into second grade at home full  time. I'm so excited, I love to see my children light up with a desire for learning. It is such a blessing to know their unique abilities and push for good handwriting or quick math facts and  then be able to send them outside to dig for worms when they are done.

Drew is excited to attend robot camp and Camp Invention this summer. Gabe is desperate for soccer camps and lots of trips to the Science museum.

Parenting Well is Exhausting

I just returned from a 36 hour retreat - a mere 36 hours away from husband and kids with the sole purpose of building up enough reserve and inspiration and notes to prepare myself for another 365 days of inspirational mothering. I don't write this post to nullify the power of the Holy Spirit because without Him I would be completely and utterly lost. I write this post to remind myself when I am older and these little ones are grown ones - that parenting well - is exhausting.May I show more grace to my future daughter in laws!

My blessed husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in January. It was  a joyous celebration, we smiled at each other, gave sweet kisses in the morning and then went on with life. We did go out to dinner a few days later. It was a good reminder that in this age and phase of life - I am being matured and all forms of selfishness are being drained from my body! As a new bride I imagined a 2 week trip to Rome or Italy or Australia - instead I celebrated my life as I do everyday - amongst the living!

I am blessed - I have a man who loves the Lord, loves his job and loves the life we've built together.

I am blessed - I am a mother of 3 incredible kids who make me laugh and keep me humble. I get to work from home and yet spend most of my days amongst the chaos of my children and love just being in their presence. It hasn't always  been this way, thanks to the Mom Heart conferences and Sally's books, I've been blessed with a conviction and love for the Bible and my children. I've seen a woman go before me who has done it well  - the sacrifices, training, convictions, ideals, and ministry. She grew weary and yet persevered. Somehow just seeing her sweet smile and the blessing her children are makes me persevere. I can just hear the Lord whisper in my ear - "... you too can do this, I've prepared you for such a time as this and you can train these little children how to love and obey me in a peaceful and joyful home. You can also civilize them in the process!

To do mothering well it takes sacrifice and selflessness - I whisper a faint "goodbye" to the glorious trip to Rome, instead to be home amongst my children, to have a roof over our heads with a little extra spending money for Lego creations, lots of tea, great books and a candle supply that rivals Hobby Lobby. I sacrifice because I love my Jesus and He sacrificed so much for my salvation.

There is  a reward when children are friends  and there is an overarching peace throughout  the home.

There are blessings in deep seeded relationships with my children - I smiled as I watched our middle son help his sister into her car seat or our oldest reading to his siblings. Our our sweet girl who asked her brother to play dolls with her. I get giddy when they ask me to read them a book or tell me a "secret!" Our sweet Drew is growing and has random ungodly thoughts "fly threw the barn" of his brain - as we call it in our home. He came and ask me why he thinks this or that and we talk about the power of thoughts and how God wants us to take every thought  captive and line it up with the Word of God. He smiles and then thanks me for just listening even though he was embarrassed to ask..... I love it that they trust me with their hearts!

If I didn't posses their hearts, earned through time and smiling eyes and sensitive words, they wouldn't come to me with their deepest and darkest of thoughts. If my Father didn't own my heart -  I wouldn't run to Him with my deepest and darkest of  sins.

The ultimate blessing is to watch ones children come to repentance and ask the Lord for His story and plan for their broken hearts. On February 19th I received the ultimate reward when my son Drew pulled me aside and asked to pray with him to accept Jesus into his heart. He prayed a sweet little prayer that ended with "Lord, I pray you like it in  there!"  I cried.... blessings..... yes blessings.... for following the sometimes lonely and difficult path of righteous mothering.

I wish I could bottle up all I learned in a mere 36 hours and apply every word to my life - I wish I could read every word of God's Word and apply every ounce of it perfectly. Alas, I step into the power of the Holy Spirit and walk  in grace - that wonderful grace that will allow me to ask my children for forgiveness one more time or that grace that will be sought when I speak words unpleasing to my husband. Then I will press on and continue praying for mastery and wisdom as I tirelessly journey down the blessed path of motherhood. I may not be headed to Italy but I'm headed to the Promise land with a whole lot of promises trailing behind me.

May it culminate wrapped in the arms of my Savior and the words I long to hear " My child, well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord..." and be greeted by my husband, children and the blessings of the ones I've touched while here on this journey I call life.

This place here on Earth is not my destination, its preparation for my final address, where I will walk and talk with my Jesus in the garden. A garden more breathtaking than the blue waters of Venice or the pink coral along the Great Barrier Reef of Australia. There in that awe covered garden I will eat hidden manna, sit and talk with Jesus while eating from the tree of life, I will hear my new name and truly worship the King. I will become a ruler of nations after ruling my sweet little home in Texas and become a pillar in the temple of God because I will overcome this world  - may I overcome well to these little eyes and hearts that look to me for an image of Jesus.

Mom Heart Conference 2013

I take notes - a lot of notes at the Mom Heart conference every year. I don't want to miss a thing! Here are some highlight from this year's conference in Irving Texas ..... with some great photos of my kids to keep things sweet!

• Get up for my kids, not to my kids
• I am planting oak trees of righteousness
• I'm a mom, I'm kinda a big deal!
• A purposeful mother makes a plan
• Come up with a mission statement or slogan for your family - like "Run to the Battle"
• Create a family motto every year
• "Do as little as possible, as well as possible" from inspiredtoaction.com
• A river cuts through rock because of its persistence
• My children  are like clay and can't mold themselves, that is why they were given a mother
• It is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance, that is why we must capture the hearts of our children if we want them to develop a heart of repentance.
• God is inviting me into Holy Work!
• I am living a story, so are my children. Build strong words into their heart, like "I wonder if you will be the Daniel or Moses of this generation." 
• As a mother I'm investing into the future, I must have hope or my parenting will seem pointless
• Tell my children often "Mommy wants to spend time with you..."
• As their mother I'm constantly telling them - "No, not this ____, but ____." "No you may not selfishly take that from your brother, but instead practice being generous ...."
• "I wonder how God will use you like he used Peter and Paul?"
• My job is to whisper the secrets of the next generation into the hearts of my kids.
• My purpose as mom is to light the fire and passion for the Lord,  not to make my kids good. To help light that fire it involves them making some not so good choices which produce times of teaching and training.
• My home is a place to daily practice righteousness
• Guard my words, only speak life giving words into my children that build them up to the Lord.
• Engage my children daily, share with them what the Lord showed me in His word that morning, make the scriptures real and engaging. If possible have them wake to see you in the Word....
• Have a time of quiet each day - a time to quiet our hearts, breath, read a good book, recount blessings to help ward off restlessness of spirit and distractions from my purpose. If possible take a nap!
• Celebrate in the dark times - our children will remember those dark times and see your faith and resolve amidst circumstances. It will bring scripture alive - "Give joy in all circumstances"
• What have I been given to steward over? 
• Speak noble things!
• My capacity is more than I thought.
• The heart is mentioned over 800 times in scripture - treasure the heart of my children and husband - its important to God.
• What is my children's foundation? How do we shape our children? - Prayer, scripture, living life in this home
• Live inside our homes just as we live outside -the person I am to my children is who I should be to everyone.
• What do my children see when they look into my eyes?
• "I can't make you godly..."
• "You have to decide how great your going to be...."
• "You must own it."
• John 13:35 - "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Be a warrior!
• All of us have sinned, do not pour guilt into my children.
• Created sacred spaces in  my home and in our day - "How will they bow before the King without reminders that this life is about Him!"
• "We work with all our heart"
• "We choose to be content" make sure our kids see us choosing contentment instead of envy
• Give my kids a call to the utmost
• We all want to be part of a great story - our children are writing their story, I am writing my story, make them both great books to read and say Yes to God's story my immersing myself in God's story (scripture).
• Stillness is a way of finding quiet, teach myself and my kids how to embrace the stillness of God by creating set time of quiet.
• I have been given my cup - choose to accept my portion that God prepared for me. Do not look at others cups, be content with where God has me and embrace it!
• Wise men hear and act
• I am the book my children will read.
• What do I hope for? Will I be faithful anyways?
• This is my story for the Kingdom, my work is not invisible
  

 

The post I've been waiting to write ....

I did it, yeppers, I did! It took 7 1/2 months of discipline or 7 years depending on how you look at it.

I finally reached my goal weight.

BK - Before Kids - I was so tiny and I totally took that 120 pound body for granted. I didn't have to work that hard to keep trim, I was always active, riding horses, mucking stalls, lifting hay bales, that it wasn't much of a thought that I would ever struggle with weight.

Then I got married moved across the country and my body freaked out from all the stress. I was over the scale in stress - new state, husband, job, wedding, etc. My TMJ flared up and I dropped to 105 pounds. My jaw literally locked and I was unable to open it. I actually struggled with keeping on weight and got very use to drinking all my calories, I was still very active and busy with my new husband and horse so I actually struggled to drink enough calories. The thought never occurred to me that I would struggle with being over-weight.

I had a hard time finding pictures with me in it!

So two years later - still 105 pounds I became pregnant and all those hormones unlocked my jaw and landed me flat on my back in preterm labor. I literally sat on my butt or laid on my back for 4 months. I had horrid reflux and drank a lot of whole milk and hospital food was far from my organic high protein diet I consumed the first half of my pregnancy. I became depressed and bored and developed high blood pressure. I gained 80 pounds (some water from pre-eclampsia) with my first child. That was a lot of weight! After I delivered I struggled with back pain for years. It is actually in the last 5 months that I'm back pain free for the first time since my first pregnancy.

Spring 2007

After child #1, precious Drew, was born I lost a lot of water and weight and within a year was at 130 pounds. Then when Drew was two I became pregnant again and once again added some weight. I only gained 40 pounds this pregnancy but still developed high blood pressure. After our precious Gabe was  born I became really depressed. I did not have any issues adjusting to one child, but two was a totally different ball game! I had very little energy and it felt like I was always in the kitchen cooking. I plateaued at 145 pounds in 2008. I wanted to loose the weight but really struggled with having energy and working out. I played the guilt game all the time and gave up on the whole idea. Finally one morning when Gabe was 1 1/2, I decided that was enough. We wanted to have another baby soon and there was no way I could afford to gain and not loose 10 pounds per kid! So I began working out and really got into spin biking. I lost about 5 pounds and then we became pregnant - way quicker than I anticipated.

Spring 2010

My third pregnancy was a whirl wind - two kids and a high risk pregnancy. This time I was pregnant with a girl - those hormones kept me sick for 26 weeks - I only gained 20 pounds and that was near the end of the pregnancy. Sweet Abby was only 4 pounds 6 oz and within 6 weeks I was back in my per-pregnancy size 10's and at 142 pounds. The stress from her delivery and hospital stays dropped that baby weight really fast!

There was something about that 140 mark that I just couldn't cross over. I would loose a few and then gain it back. I worked out, consumed more calories and then worked out some more. I learned a lot that first year with three kids - mainly to be a good mother I needed to give myself a break from thinking about weight and just enjoy being a mom. That was good thinking and I know it was in that period of life that I softened and just learned to wait for the right timing and not stress about it.

So when Abby turned one, I decided it might be time to look into changing up what we were eating and consider a new form of "dieting." We had switched a lot of our foods to raw and organic, they were pricey so consuming less calories made sense to me. Then I waited a year - the kids and I were busy and it just didn't seem right. I hoped the organic life would shed some poundage, but alas it didn't.That year I dabbled in a few diets, tried a few classes, researched vitamins, considered weight watchers, then I just sat back and waited.

In January 2012 I looked into breast reduction because my back hurt so much, but that is pricey and I decided to try and loose some weight, after all I was smaller before kids when I weighed less?

So, a in July 2012 I made a flexible plan, I had learned many times that telling myself I couldn't have something only made me want more. So, I downloaded an app on my phone and recorded everything I ate for a whole week. I took the Dave Ramsey approach to budgeting, only  applied it to food. I learned I was consuming too much sugar (double!) and averaged about 2000 calories/day. After review my goal weight and my body type I saw that to loose weight at the speed I wanted, I needed to eat 1200 calories/day and to maintain weight I could consume 1500/day.

I added in some vitamins and tried to work out as much as I could. I noticed a pattern that the days I worked out I consumed more calories than I burned. I was unable to resist cravings and most of them were carbs! When my body was less anxious my cravings went away. I did a 20 day eating out fast and removed all cravings from my taste buds. I did a body cleanse twice to get rid of toxins in my gut and consumed a lot of probiotics.

September 2012

So, in July John took the boys to Oregon and I was home with my daughter for two weeks. I had dabbled in watching my weight and had lost about 5 pounds. My goal while they were gone was to eat small and not spend much time in the kitchen. I found when I was busy and not in the kitchen I didn't think at all about food.  It worked, I lost 5 pounds those two weeks. Abby ate a lot of finger foods and I became a fan of Coconut Luna bars. I had 100 calories in the AM in coffee and organic creamer, a 120 calorie Luna bar for lunch and sipped tea when hungry. Then I ate a moderate dinner that filled me up all night.

Over the next 5 months I continued tracking my calories, if I went over I'd take the dog on a walk or run to the park with the kids. My goal was to get to 125 by Christmas. I almost made it but decided to enjoy the holidays and not stress about it. I was traveling and wanted to not be a slave to food - for me that meant eating relatively healthy but enjoying my travels and meals not cooked at home. I gained back 3 pounds but didn't stress about it, I knew I'd get to it in January.

So, I finally made it - I lost the final 5 pounds in January and the first week in February. I finally fit into a size 4 and feel better than I have in 7 years! I am sitting at 125 pounds, which was my goal weight. I honestly felt like that was an impossible goal. I learned a lot about my body in the process, I learned that for me breakfast needed to  be skipped, my metabolism would kick in and I'd have more cravings, coffee is a must in the morning, protein needs to be eaten at 11 am and lots of tea helps curb my evening cravings. I love  Zevia because it has zero calories and is all natural. I love not being a slave to food and being able to eat in moderation whatever I wanted - as long as I was under my calorie count. I would eat 1200/day for a week, then the next week bump it up to 1500/week. My body responded and I lost over 7 inches.  I found out that I must stay away from breads/pasta and instead eat a protein bar or chicken. We switched to raw milk and I feel a lot better, I'm also religious about taking my vitamins now too! I learned a lot about myself and how God designed my body - no wonder no one diet works for all people, we're all created different. I appreciate that God allowed me to take this weight loss journey. it was only through a lot of prayer that I was able to gain the wisdom to see how best to serve this body I've been given. The lifestyle I've adopted will follow me - it wasn't a diet, it was a change in lifestyle and a lesson on choices and timing. I needed to give grace when needed, act when time slowed down, appreciate the small victories and buy new clothes with the old ones looked dumpy! I didn't talk about loosing weight, I tried to keep quiet about it and not allow it to consume who I was, after all its a change in lifestyle not a diet.

November 2012 - still a few more pounds until my goal weight.

Now its time to celebrate, with a glass of tea and a new bathing suite and new bras (yep, no surgery needed)!!

Melissa

Inscriptions for Drew: Your 8!

My sweet Drew on your 8th Birthday,

How do I begin to tell you how much you mean to me. I smile and delight in who you are. Do you know  that we almost never met? When you  were 23 weeks young I went into premature labor and landed myself 3 months and a week on bed-rest with tons of medications. You are a miracle! So much for my plans for an all natural - home birth. I should have known then that you were going to be my outside the box child.

Yep  - I adore you sweet boy, nothing in life prepared me to be your mother. You came out small and sleepy and spent a year puking on everyone and sleeping 20 hours a day. Then, somehow you just woke up and never looked back. From the time your personality developed I knew you were going to have determination and lots of energy. You loved routines and predictability in my womb, that never stopped. I know that God created you for greatness my son, you are God's boy, never loose your identity in Him.

You made me cry this past weekend, we were at Target and you were looking to spend your gift card on Lego's. A little boy ran bye us, trailing after his hurried mother. The little boy tripped over his feet and all his items fell on the floor. As the mother turned back in irritation, you ran to the little boy and picked him up and handed him the items he had dropped. He stood there in shock that you had come to rescue him. Then you quietly returned to the Lego isle and picked out your Creationary Logo set that turns into an Eagle, Beaver and Scorpion like nothing had happened.How often am I that hurried mother - how often do I get exasperated with your jumping or wiggling or constant motion? You have developed more of my character than anyone else - it is God who I must lean on to parent such a unique and perfectly designed child. I know all that energy will soon be manageable, directed at the plans and purposes of God. Its in this waiting time that I must remember I am an architect daily following the plans of God to train you up in the blueprints of God.

At that moment when you returned back to me at Target, all my fears of you not reading well or being business than most children or not being able to focus  - seemed rather immaterial. Your heart my son is precious in the sight of others and in the sight of God. That is truly what matters - how could I get so caught up in fitting you in a box, failing to see that you blossom in your own time. My world was thrown off kilter when you were born and I'm such a blessed mother to have been given such a treasure. I stand in awe as I see how truly you love this life - you love everything about God's creation, how the beavers make their dam's or how we harvest honey - you pepper me with questions and delight in hearing story after story. 

You heart is pure and soft towards the things of God my son, follow the Lord wherever He leads and you will never be disappointed.

Love,



Mom

Happy Birthday Abby